Last week was a complete whirlwind. In a span of 100 hours, I went to a paint night in New Haven with over a dozen new friends; watched Hubs officially get hooded for his doctorate in Baltimore, celebrating with his friends and my bestie afterwards; visited my old office and had a leisurely, liquid lunch with the old work gang; had a commemorative crab feast with more besties to punctuate our visit to Maryland and the completion of Hubs’ formal education; spent quality time with the in-laws in New Jersey, making it up to my sister-in-law for missing her own recent graduation from undergrad; attended a house-warming party for my brother-in-law (also in NJ) at his very first “flown the coop” apartment; and finally, before hauling our butts back up to New England, had a micro “date night” at the custard stand on the Main Street of Hubs’ childhood hometown. Phew! Needless to say, on Sunday, our first full day back at our new home, I was completely exhausted.
I am so thankful for the friends and family that I have in my life, and that I got the opportunity to see some of the people we had to leave behind. Hubs and I were actually talking about friendships on our way back up the coast. It’s really important to us to build deep friendships while we’re here, and we have been working hard to meet new people. Hubs mentioned that something he struggled with in the past is keeping in touch with people after he moves away, and then knowing that aspect of his personality when he goes to a new place and having it affect how he interacts with potential friends there.
I do that too – I think we all do. Some friendships aren’t meant to last, because they just work best in person. Others, on the other hand, can stand the test of time, either because you’re able to pick up with them where you left off (no matter how long it’s been since you last saw them), or because you can find casual ways to keep in touch without taking hours out of each of your days to keep up with every single detail of each other’s life (TG for Snapchat, am I right??).
But regardless of what may end up happening, I don’t think you should ever go into a friendship thinking about how or when it could possibly end. What is the sense in that? Enjoy each day, and each friend you have on that day, at face value. Let tomorrow, and her friends, worry about themselves.
Do you have a friend with whom you can share mundane details about your life without getting a bewildered or bored look in response? If you do, count yourself as blessed. I have had many types of friendships over the years, and I’ve found that the most genuine ones that I’ve had have been with people who care about what type of tea you enjoy, what types of flowers you would like to plant in that garden that you don’t even have yet, and how you solved your chronic chipped-nail woes. Those types of friends are low pressure, easy to connect with, and down-to-earth. No A-game required. From my experience, those types of friends are more open to speaking about more delicate topics when you really need to (and you feel more comfortable going to them in the first place).
But all this is not to say that other types of friendships aren’t valuable as well. Sometimes you need to just be with someone who wants to have a great time, take a hike, watch a sappy or nerdy movie, or party with you like it’s 1999. Other times, friendships are formed out of convenience, or because you suffered through something together, like boot camp or a difficult class. Friends come in all shapes and sizes, and they each make a unique imprint on your soul. So don’t let the fact that you are in a transient situation like college, a deployment, a temporary job posting, or anything else hold you back from getting all they have to offer you. Embrace your existing friends, and make new ones – not thinking about whether they will fade out of your life like a bad denim fad, or stick around like a solid pair of black stilettos. No matter how much time you have together, I promise, it will be worth it.